Welcome to the jungle,
We've got fun and games. Apparently. The rest of my blogs have always been more lighthearted story telling but I'm starting to get the need to write a little more seriously, that being said I probably still will make the odd joke from a situation (got to keep somewhat chipper after all).
To be honest it's very hard to know where to start with this kind of writing, I don't want to come across as some rambling bag of emotion neither a pointless read for any of you but I will always be honest and you have my word on that.
You see anxiety is a strange thing and the bouts in comes in are stranger still, there's seems to be no reason for the worries that it brings to crop up and I think the biggest sting is the irrationality of the thoughts you can have. Whether it's regarding relationships (which I've personally had trouble with), Mortality(okay me too on that one again) or what seems to be fear of nothing at all *slowly puts hand up* and the worst thing is that you don't know why you're thinking these things.
If I think about it I guess Mortality is a fear that is justified but the nature that it comes about is the thing that bothers me. For me personally fears always seem rear their heads like a crocodile from water bearing it's teeth mainly in the veil of darkness (Wow, didn't know I was that good at coming up with Death Metal lyrics). You see for me I can be lying there feeling completely fine ready to sleep and then all of a sudden, I see the teeth rise from the depths glaring at me followed by that hollow plunge feeling in my chest to which I have to sit up and try and calm myself down. I always wonder if this happens to other people or if it's just me?
Regarding relationship anxiety I've always had an issue with trust, even whether I have a reason to or not. You see anxiety can bring on such illogical thoughts that you have no reason whatsoever to even think them! But the problem is at the time they can seem so real and you seem so centered on this idea that you've created that in your mind they are real. Due to all this I am currently trying to save a relationship with my girlfriend of nearly four years. Tonight though, after a great night with my girlfriend we decided to take a break. We'll see how I sleep tonight. Expect an update tomorrow
H
